it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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