I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just forgot I was standing up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
