Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
