it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize