Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
