that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
