I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
