i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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