you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
