batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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