you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
