we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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