And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
