i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
