At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
