Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
