this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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