Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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