I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He has the fingertips of a God
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