i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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