I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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