Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize