Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
