I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
