Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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