We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
