R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
