Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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