then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
