Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
