Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
