just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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