So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
