I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
