can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sarcasm needs its own font
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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