Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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