you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
how does that bad decision feel?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
