Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
