a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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