dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
