Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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