just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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