I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
