All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
