I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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