so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
