No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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