I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
