I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
