i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
