i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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