You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are leaves in my underwear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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