Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
