Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
