I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
