Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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