Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
