After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
