Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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