just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
