a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You're earring is so big in my mouth
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
