I hope mine doesn't look like that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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