is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
as a side note pls kill me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
