I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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