dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
