Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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