I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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