I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
