I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
