And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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