She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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