This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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