Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
